Unspoken Feelings Ch. 13

Chapter Thirteen: All Good Things

“Don’t cry, Sookie,” Eric soothed as he hugged his fiancée tightly. They were standing in his dorm as Godric dragged Pam away to give the couple some privacy. “It’s only nine months, and we’ll be together every break. You’ll come and visit too, right?” he reminded. Sookie nodded as she swiped away another tear that was falling. “And I’ll sneak up for a few weekends here and there. We’ll survive it.”

“I know,”Sookie sniffled as she dove in for another embrace. When she pulled away, she told him, “If you miss one single letter, I’ll drive down here and give you a whooping!”

Eric grinned, “You realize that’s more of an incentive to not write you a letter, right?”

“And you won’t get sex after the beating.”

“Well, I can’t get sex from a letter, but at least I’d still get to see and feel you even if you’re beating me up,” Eric still hadn’t found the bad side to this scenario.

“And you’ll make me very sad.”

“Oh, then I’ll have to make sure I don’t miss a single letter,” Eric smiled as he gave her a sweet kiss.

“Sorry!” a voice made them jump out of their embrace. “I’m just dropping off my bag!” a rather handsome man with luxurious looking hair that fell in loose, dark curls slipped into the room. The newcomer was large in his musculature, and Sookie had a feeling the pair would probably end up going to the gym together. “I’m Alcide Herveaux.”

“Eric Northman,” Eric greeted. “This is my fiancée, Sookie.”

Sookie gave a wave and tentative smile. This was her first formal introduction as Eric’s future wife!

“Whoa!” Alcide laughed. “Congrats. My girlfriend and I picked the same college too. We’ve been together since eighth grade, but we’ve known each other since diapers,” he seemed embarrassed to admit it. “She’s in her own room putting things away. Do you know who your roommate is yet, Sookie?”

“Sookie has one year of high school left,” Eric explained. “She’s just here to see me off.”

“That sucks,” Alcide frowned. “Well, taken men need to stick together in college. Otherwise, everyone tries to get you to cheat!”

Sookie flinched as she twisted her engagement ring on her finger. She trusted Eric, but she didn’t like the idea of him having to wade through swarms of half-naked college women to get to his classes.

“Are you planning on coming to UNO next year, Sookie?” Alcide asked of her. When she shrugged half-heartedly, Eric’s roommate became uncomfortable with her coldness.

“Sookie can’t speak,” Eric informed him. “She’s not trying to be shy or rude.”

“Oh… I wish I knew how to sign that I was sorry,” Alcide mumbled.

“It’s this,” Eric gestured the sign for an apology, “but she’s not deaf. She just can’t use her voice.” Sookie let out a huff. “Okay, she can’t use her voice on purpose.” She smirked.

Alcide’s brow furrowed, “What does that mean?”

“If you surprise her, or if she gets hurt sometimes she’ll make a sound,” Eric explained. “Involuntary sounds, things she can’t control.”

Eric’s new roommate looked at Sookie before nodding, “I see… Well, I’ll leave you two alone to finish saying goodbye. I have to go find Debbie. That’s my girlfriend,” he said before waving goodbye.

When Alcide left the room, Sookie looked to her fiancé with a bit of trepidation. What if he always has to fight off college girls? What if the guys make fun of him because of me? Sookie didn’t ask any of these things, she just leaned against his chest and wrapped her arms around him.

“Everything will be alright, Sookie,” Eric assured her. “I’ll write you every week just like we agreed. I’ll call every night to say goodnight.” Sookie smiled and squeezed him tightly. “I love you, Sookie.” She pulled away to look up at him and offer him one last kiss. When he held her face and tangled their tongues together, she thought she might break down crying.

I don’t want to go…

{†}

~August 31, 1997

Dear Sookie,

Classes are looking pretty good. I’m not really worried about any of my first semester courses. Most of them are just the usual prereqs. There’s a gym on campus, so I’ve been making a couple friends there. A guy named Quinn spots for me a lot of the time. His name’s actually John, but he asks to be called Quinn. My roommate, Alcide, is there pretty often, too. It turns out he’s from Shreveport, so he knows where Bon Temps is which is a miracle to find anyone who’s heard of that shithole.

Alcide’s girlfriend is… interesting. I actually prefer when they hang out in her room or go out altogether. She’s got an ego that could put mine to shame (don’t roll your eyes!), and she spends more time in front of a mirror than Pam.

Other than working out and going to classes, I’ve just been studying and trying to come up with things to write to you about. I miss you. That’s really the long and short of it. That’s the only thing I think about when I’m not doing school stuff.

Love you, love you,

-Eric~

{†}

“Come on, Freshmen! Drink!” John Quinn eagerly thrust a beer at Eric.

“No thanks,” Eric declined. “I don’t drink on the weekdays. Besides you’re a Freshmen too. Why are you calling me ‘Freshmen’?”

“We got us a Weekend Warrior!” Quinn roared, ignoring Eric’s point. “So what are you doing in a bar on a weekday night if you don’t drink on the weekdays?”

“Alcide’s in our room with Debbie,” Eric replied as he tried to work on his fundamentals of accounting class. “The library is too quiet.”

“Isn’t your girlfriend a mute?” Quinn snorted as he sidled up beside his friend. “I thought you’d be used to the quiet!”

“That’s my point.” The cozy quiet always made him think of Sookie, and that was not a good way to get work done. With no Sookie to go home to, the quiet only made him homesick. Even after two and a half months of being in college, he still felt homesick for her. “And don’t call her a mute.”

Shaking off Quinn’s hand on his shoulder and pushing away the beer in front of his face, Eric went toward the bathroom to use the payphone. It was almost time to tell Sookie ‘goodnight’, and he hoped she didn’t mind the sound of the bar in the background.

The phone rang only once before it was picked up, and Eric smiled to himself, visualizing Sookie sitting in front of the phone, waiting for his call.

“Goodnight, Sookie. I love you, I love you,” Eric said into the phone. He heard her lips smack with a kissing sound and he smiled. “I miss you.” When she hung up, Eric sighed and wished he was able to hear about her day every night. That was what their letters were for, but he longed to have more…

By the time eleven o’clock rolled around, and Eric knew it was safe to return to his room, he was tired and ready to go to bed, but he stopped by the private mailbox office as he did every day. Sookie would send him care packages from time to time, and he’d been warned by his brother that some dorm mailboxes were not at all reliable. Therefore, since he and Sookie were entirely dependent on their letters, Eric had gotten a private mailbox at a location with a 24/7 lobby.

Opening his box, Eric smiled at the small parcel inside and a separate letter. Grabbing both of them, he finally headed back to his dorm.

Alcide was sprawled across his bed when Eric came in and sat up quickly when he saw the box.

“Sookie cookies!?” his roommate demanded excitedly.

“Maybe,” Eric laughed as he set his box on the floor and mail on the desk. Opening it, he shook his head. “No cookies.” Alcide deflated. “Muffins.”

“MUFFINS!” Alcide leaped from the bed and grabbed a muffin from his roommate. “You picked the best future wife!” he moaned as he stuffed the baked good in his mouth. “She cooks and writes you all the time! Debbie sees me every day and sometimes doesn’t say a word.”

Eric had no idea why his roommate was so loyal to his girlfriend but knew better than to stick his nose into anything. The last thing he needed was to accidentally break them up and have to deal with a pissed off roommate for the rest of the school year.

“She sent you muffins and a letter?” Alcide asked in a muffin muffled voice.

Eric looked at the envelope, “No… This is from Gran.”

“Aw, your grandmother writes you too? Jeez, you’d think I don’t even exist!” he laughed as Eric opened the strangely thick envelope.

“No, it’s Sookie’s grandmother, not mine.”

“Why would she write you?”

“I have no idea-” Eric’s hand struck something hard and plastic, and for some reason, his heart lurched. OH GOD, IT’S A PREGNANCY TEST! He thought worriedly until he realized it was the wrong shape and size to be a pregnancy test. Why am I freaking out about pregnancy tests all the time? He wondered as he pulled out a cassette tape.

“Your fiancée’s grandmother made you a mix tape?” Alcide asked curiously.

Eric shrugged as he read the label, “Listen First. Letter Second.”

Even more confused, Eric went over to the CD and cassette player and put the tape in. He pushed play and listened with increasing bafflement as nothing but the sound of air crackling over the recorder filled the room.

“Sookie,”Gran’s voice called softly in a whisper.

“Eric?”

Eric’s heart leaped into his throat. His hands cupped over his mouth as he listened harder.

“Sookie,”Gran called again, her voice lowering a bit further.

“Eric… Miss you…”

The tape’s audio changed, and he knew that was the only recording on the tape. Immediately he popped the tape out and grabbed a pen to remove the safety tab. He laughed when he saw that Gran had already done this for him. She knew he’d want to keep the tape forever.

“Was that your fiancé’s voice?” Alcide asked in surprise, though not nearly as blown away as Eric.

“Yes!” Eric laughed as he reached for Gran’s letter. “Sometimes she would mumble in her sleep, but I’ve never heard her form complete words!”

~Dear Eric,

Imagine the surprise on this old woman’s face when she woke up in the middle of the night to use the facilities and heard her granddaughter’s speak for the first time in nine years! She dreams about you a lot, but I don’t think she remembers them.

Yes, I’ve told her about her sleep talking, and she’s going to see a specialist this week to discuss what this new development could mean. I don’t want you getting your hopes up, but I still thought that you of all people deserved to hear her voice. Isn’t it such a beautiful, sweet voice?

Anyway, enjoy the tape, and I look forward to seeing you for Thanksgiving.

Love always,

Gran

P.S. Make sure to check your mail on Friday right after class. I’m sending something that won’t keep over the weekend.~

“I don’t want to sound… Can I listen to it again?” Eric whispered as he stared at the tape.

Alcide smiled at his roommate before reaching into his bedside table and tossing his walkman at Eric. “Listen as many times as you want.”

The recording was only a minute long because of the spacing between Gran’s prodding and Sookie’s responses, but Eric listened to it five times before he managed to fall asleep.

{†}

Sookie’s School Year

Sookie had almost forgotten what it felt like to be afraid to go to school. Every day of her Senior year, she was reminded what the years before the Northmans arrived had been like. The first time she was body checked into a locker, she had felt staggered. By the third time her books had been slapped out of her hands, she remembered she needed to hug them tightly to her chest rather than balance them on her hip like a baby.

When August ended, she fell back into her old routines. Lunch with Pam only eased some of the loneliness, and her friend regularly remarked that Sookie had lost her luster.

“It’s nothing,”Sookie assured her as she poked at her lunch. If Pam wasn’t noticing anything, Sookie wasn’t about to bring it up. Sookie could only hope that her friend would think the gloom surrounding her was due to Eric’s absence. The thought of Pam trying to take the place of her fiancé and her brother as a bodyguard made Sookie worried.

If I just keep my head down, Sookie thought as they left the lunch table and headed for Pam’s next class. If I don’t bother anyone… Maybe it won’t be so terrible.

But even that didn’t work as Bill Compton spotted her coming down the hall. He had been the first person to antagonize her after school started back up. She remembered him staring her right in the eyes and then smacking her books from her hands as if to declare that ‘Sookie Season’ was now open. After that single attack, the rest had come like machine gun fire. Her locker door was constantly closed on her, catching her fingers and hand on several occasions. She’d been shoved onto the ground and against lockers multiple times in just a couple weeks. By the start of September, Sookie wondered if she could survive. It was as if the assaults had doubled from previous years to make up for the fact no one had touched her Sophomore/Junior year.

It was halfway through September when Jason began to notice something was not right with his sister.

“Sook,” Jason frowned, “it’s still hot as hell out. Why’re you wearing long sleeves?” When his sister ignored his question, he got up and grabbed her by the wrist. She struggled to bat his hand away, but he yanked her sleeve up until the multiple splotches of green, purple and yellow glared up at him. “The fuck, Sookie?” he checked her other arm. “Who’s coming at you like this?”

Sookie jerked her arm from his loosened grasp and went back to clearing the table.

“Gran, do you know about this?” Jason demanded.

Adele sighed as she washed the pot from dinner. She’d had her suspicions but knew better than to think Sookie would tell on anyone. Even before she’d lost her voice, Sookie had taken snitching very seriously. Jason had once gotten away with convincing their parents that Sookie had broken their mother’s Christmas plate when it had actually been him. Sookie hadn’t even tried to defend herself.

My poor Sookie, Adele thought sadly, why do you think you deserve all of this?

It was around October that Sookie started hearing the whispers. She endured the snickering as her classmates commented on how much pussy her fiancéwas getting now that he wasn’t giving her a pity relationship. She ignored the remarks that Eric had only proposed to give her something to look forward to after graduation. She even managed to smile a little when she overheard someone say that Eric’s proposal was the only one she’d ever get. Duh, she’d thought condescendingly, because I’ll be married and not likely to receive another!

Still, even with mental comebacks, Sookie felt the weight of their words on her heart. She missed Eric more than ever, and perhaps that was the reason why she’d begun talking in her sleep.

Gran was waiting for her in the kitchen the morning after hearing her granddaughter talking in her sleep. She looked tired but surprisingly chipper despite the fatigue.

“Sookie,” Gran smiled at her, “I have something for you.”

Sookie tilted her head curiously as Gran held out a tape recorder and pushed play.

“Sookie,” came Gran’s voice.

“Eric?”

Sookie’s eyes widened at the voice she heard, and she fell into the kitchen chair.

“Sookie.”

“Eric… Miss you…”

Sookie looked at her grandmother, a stunned expression on her face.

“You finally spoke,” Gran smiled at her.

Sitting frozen a moment longer, Sookie finally scrambled for a pen and paper,“What does this mean?”

“I think it means that maybe you should finally see a therapist again,” Gran pointed out. “I planned on calling around today while you’re at school. Is that alright?”

Sookie nodded numbly as she grabbed the recorder, rewound it and played it again. She listened to it twice more before writing, “Can you send this to Eric?”

“Do you want me to?” Gran asked.

“What if it’s the only chance he gets to hear my voice? It’s not the words I wanted him to hear, but at least they’re true words,”Sookie explained.

“Well,” Gran considered, “since you didn’t technically speak them to him, you could still work toward that dream. I think this will make an excellent gift for him.”

“I do miss him,”Sookie confessed.

“I know you do, Dear,” Gran reached forward to pat her granddaughter’s hand. “If you’d like, you could borrow my car and drive down to see him this weekend,” she offered. Sookie looked at her in surprise. “Of course, I want you to stop every so often and just call home and press a couple buttons to let me know you’re alright along the way.”

Sookie considered this, but it was at least a five-hour drive, and she’d never driven outside Bon Temps before. It scared her, but New Orleans would be her home next year. Also, if she were brave, she would get to see Eric. For a single weekend, her life would be better.

“Okay.”

That Friday, Gran called Sookie off of school and sent her on her merry way to New Orleans. If nothing else, at least her granddaughter would have a reprieve from the bullying.

Adele waited until after school hours to go visit Pam and Godric. She knew the oldest Northman boy would be back from Shreveport by the time Pam returned from school. That was why, after receiving the most recent, “I’m alive,” phone call from Sookie, Adele began her trek up the road.

“Hey, Gran!” Pam greeted as she pulled up to her driveway to see Adele coming up the road. “What’s up?”

“Pam,” Adele caught her breath and fanned herself. The little hill around the bend always took the wind out of her. “I was hoping to have afternoon tea with you and Godric.”

“Sure!” Pam agreed. Let me just park the car. “How’s Sookie feeling?”

“Fine,” Adele responded before following the car up the driveway and heading inside with her daughter’s friend.

“Is something wrong?” Pam asked as she slid out of her car and walked up to the front door. “GODRIC! GRAN’S JOINING US FOR TEA!” she hollered as she stepped inside the house.

“I suppose you could say that,” Gran sighed as she walked with Pam to the sitting room. She just adored the little tea set-up the Northman’s had. It was quaint and beautiful. It reminded her of her youth. The occasional afternoon tea with girlfriends, discussing their crushes and giggling with their admittances.

“What is it?” Pam asked as she pulled a chair out for Gran and helped her slide it back in.

“Such a lady,” Gran patted the girl’s hand making Pam flush.

Before Pam could listen to any answers, Godric arrived in the room with their tea and snacks.

“Good afternoon, Gran,” Godric greeted cheerily. “How are you doing?”

“Very well, thank you. However, I called Sookie out of school today so she could take my car down to New Orleans,” Gran smiled with a distant look fogging her eyes.

“Fall Break is only a month away,” Pam protested. “Are you sure it’s safe for Sookie to travel that far on her own?”

“She’ll be fine,” Gran waved off the girl’s concern. “Sookie’s tough in her own ways… Which brings me to the purpose of my visit.” The Northmans looked at the older woman curiously. “Pam, have you noticed anything at school lately?”

Pam’s brow furrowed, “Not really, why?”

“Sookie’s not acting off at all?” Adele pressed.

“Well,” Pam thought, “she’s a lot more withdrawn at lunch. After the first day, she stopped trying to meet up with me between classes, too. I just figured her classes are too spread out to mingle between them. As for lunch… Well, she’s been down, but I know she misses Eric.”

“You haven’t noticed any other students bothering her?” Adele asked, and Pam stared. “Or that she’s taken to wearing long sleeves already?”

“She’s being bullied again?” Pam sounded devastated. “Why wouldn’t she tell me?”

“I don’t think she wants to raise a fuss with it being her last year at school,” Adele admitted. “She’s just trying to muscle through, but she’s never had so many bruises before. It used to be that she’d come home with the occasional one, not that she’d have layers of them throughout the week.”

“With Eric and Jason gone, it looks like the students are showing her she’s not protected anymore,” Godric frowned as he listened to the conversation. “It’s as if they’re trying to put her back into her place.”

Pam stood sharply. “That’s not right!”

“Of course it’s not, Dear,” Adele soothed as she gave Pam’s hand a tug, encouraging her to sit back down. “Regardless, Sookie needed a break, and she really misses Eric. That’s why I sent her to New Orleans for the weekend.” With a soft smile, she added, “She starts therapy next week after school.”

“What?” Pam and Godric asked in unison.

“She’s started talking in her sleep. Actually talking!” Gran glowed happily. “I recorded it with Jason’s cassette player and played it for her. She agreed to start going to therapy again.”

“What did she say?” Godric asked curiously.

“She said Eric’s name and that she missed him,” Gran answered warmly. “It was very sweet. I went ahead and sent the cassette to Eric once Sookie was done with it.”

“I wish I could have heard it,” Pam mumbled sadly. “I’m glad she’s finally agreed to see a specialist again. She told me that when she was a kid, the doctors made her feel like not being able to speak was her fault.”

“What do you mean?” Adele asked curiously.

Pam looked at Gran in surprise, “You know, how they said she’d speak when she was good and ready?”

Adele’s jaw slung open, “Oh, no,” she shook her head, “that’s not what they said at all.”

“It’s not?” Godric asked.

Adele shook her head, “No, they were talking about how she could very well regain her voice. It was described as a mental block, and could dissipate with regular therapy.”

“Did Sookie go to therapy?” Godric asked.

Gran placed her teacup down and replied, “Well, she did for a while. After a few months, the doctor told me that Sookie still wouldn’t write to her and she refused to try and learn to sign. She said it seemed like Sookie didn’t feel like she deserved to get her voice back. Unless Sookie was willing to try, the doctor didn’t know how much therapy could help.”

“So you took her out of it and just let her be,” Godric realized.

“I’m sure it was the wrong thing-”

“I’m not saying that,” Godric smiled comfortingly. “Sookie is tough in her own way, but she’s also stubborn. I think you know that better than anyone.” Adele smiled fondly. “If she got it in her head that the muteness was some sort of punishment, do you think she’d try to overcome it?”

Adele sighed, “No, she’d accept it and move on.”

“Is there anything she should feel that guilty for?” Pam asked.

Adele looked at her tea for a long moment before she confessed, “I don’t have all the details.”

“Any would be a start,” Godric encouraged. “If the therapist has a lead, maybe they can actually help Sookie this time.”

“I know,” Adele took a deep breath, “that the day of the crash, my son and his wife were running late picking Sookie up from my house. My brother had come to visit out of the blue and agreed to watch Sookie while I went to my Descendants of the Glorious Dead meeting. Jason was at football practice, and I’m sure my son and his wife were taking advantage of putting the kids out of the house for the day like moms and dads do. The thing is… the crash happened heading back into town from the swamp. Not my house. My brother hasn’t been seen since that day.” Pam sucked in a quiet breath.

Godric stared for a long moment, “I don’t know that I’m following.”

“A few months after their deaths,” Adele continued, “was when Hadley started showing signs of obvious drug use. While she was under the influence, she asked me if I thought Uncle Corbett and Aunt Michelle would still be alive if she’d told on Uncle Bartlett. She asked me if I’d forgive her if Bartlett hurt Sookie too.” Pam looked down at her hands as Gran confirmed a terrible worry she’d been having for nearly a year.

“My son was a sweet boy,” Gran continued. “Boisterous, a bit full of himself, but a good boy… But if he found out his uncle did something like that to his baby… He’d kill him. If he did that to her,” Adele gasped, “I don’t want her to remember it… If she gets her voice back, will that mean she’ll remember the crash and all the things that lead up to it?”

“There’s no way to know,” Godric told her honestly. “I mean… Maybe you should let the therapist know about all of this and see what they have to say.”

Adele frowned at the idea of dragging her family’s name through the mud over theories, but if there was a shred of truth behind any of the possibilities, it might affect their approach to helping Sookie. “I’m sorry to put the burden of all this on the two of you, but with Eric as part of the equation… I wondered if you might have an idea how he’d take all of this?”

“What do you mean?” Pam asked.

“If it turns out that Bartlett hurt Sookie, how do you think Eric would respond?” Adele rephrased.

“He’d be mad as hell,” Pam answered truthfully, “and if your brother isn’t dead already, Eric will take care of it.”

“He wouldn’t look at Sookie differently?” Adele whispered nervously.

Godric became thoughtful a moment before confessing, “He would, but I think he would be a lot more aware of her. A lot more protective.”

“That’s a terrifying notion,” Pam mumbled as she picked up her teacup and took a long sip.

“If you’re worried that he’d leave her over it, well, I couldn’t imagine it,” Godric declared. In the last year, the oldest brother had to admit that Eric was completely serious about Sookie. He couldn’t say why his brother was so devoted. Sookie was a sweet girl, and she was more than capable of poking fun at Eric and making him laugh about it. Still, their relationship wasn’t what anyone would call an obvious one. No one looked at Sookie and Eric and thought, “Oh, they’re a perfect couple! I couldn’t imagine them with anyone else!” Of course, those who knew the two of them would beg to differ, but Godric would also understand the point of those looking from the outside in.

Resting her face delicately in her hand, it was Pam that settled all their minds. “Either way you slice it, it’s something they’ll have to get through as a couple because it impacts Sookie’s ability to speak in the future. In a way, that’s a big deal to Eric’s future as well as Sookie’s because they’ll be living that future together. So, shouldn’t we just leave it alone and let them deal with it however they’re going to? If they need help, they’ll ask for it… At least, Eric will.”

Gran had to agree with that. When he’d asked for permission to propose to Sookie, he had asked many other questions. He wondered if he was right about thinking Sookie was a ‘settled’ type and wouldn’t regret not sowing her wild oats. Gran had chuckled and answered that Sookie had strong, resilient bones, not flexible, wild ones. He’d asked how Gran would feel if he took Sookie away from Bon Temps, and she had given her blessing to take her granddaughter away; even if it meant only seeing her for major holidays.

I suppose, Gran thought with only the slightest quake in her composure, Bon Temps has become her prison, not her home.

On to Chapter Fourteen!