Chapter Eleven: All the Things I’d Like to Say
Sookie didn’t care that everyone was glaring at her. She clapped and whistled as Eric was called to receive his diploma. When Gran chuckled and tugged at her shirt to make her sit down, Sookie only did so when her boyfriend cleared the stage.
In a small town like Bon Temps, graduation ceremonies were blissfully short, and there were only a handful of students that needed to receive their diplomas after her boyfriend. That short amount of time felt infinite as Sookie bounced impatiently in her seat. She barely even remembered to whistle and clap for her own brother!
When they were finally able to mingle on the gym floor with the graduates, Sookie launched herself into Eric’s arms. “I’m so proud of you!” she told him.
“Thanks, Sookie,” Eric pulled her close for a short but sweet kiss.
“Good job, little brother,” Godric grabbed Eric and gave him a quick, masculine hug.
“Says the shortest one of all of us,” Pam pointed out as she snuck in a quick hug of her own. “So, how does it feel to finally be free of this bullshit?”
“Let’s just say, I’m looking forward to a Summer of Sookie, and sort of dreading going to New Orleans this August,” Eric confessed.
“Jesus,” Jason grumbled as he weaved his way toward the group, “what am I, chopped liver?”
“Sorry,”Sookie gestured before finally letting go of Eric and hugging her brother. “I made your favorite cake for graduation,” she offered as consolation.
“Yeah, ’cause your man doesn’t eat cake,” Jason scowled.
“No, I’m more about pie,” Eric grinned, and Sookie’s face tightened anxiously at the reminder that her birthday was only nine more days away, and her boyfriend would happily gorge himself on her pie if she didn’t make an objection.
Jason’s eyes narrowed as he followed the implication, but he chose not to say anything in front of his grandmother.
“Shall we head back to Rosenfont?” Pam asked as they gathered toward the door. Everyone had managed to squeeze into Gran’s station wagon by putting Sookie on Eric’s lap. The couple had made no objection to the seating arrangements.
As everyone strolled back to the car and piled in, Eric couldn’t help but let his hands wander as they bounced along the back country roads. Sookie’s ass was rubbing him through their clothes, and he could see her nipples hardening through the cotton of her dress and bra. If she didn’t let him get his face between her legs in the upcoming weeks, he wasn’t sure he’d survive!
When they pulled up to the old plantation, Eric stopped Sookie from sliding off him, “Wait, just a moment, okay?” Sookie looked at him before a pleased grin spread across her lips. Her bottom shifted against his dick, and he sucked air between his teeth. “I wanted you to stay put to hide my erection, not make it worse!” he hissed.
Remaining quietly still, Sookie waited until she felt the rigidness against her bottom dissipate. She had to admit, she didn’t think he had that much control over his body, but he seemed to do just fine bringing himself back down. Then again, she remembered grinding against him the previous night and causing another messy pair of boxers. Those occasions only happened every few weeks, and she was starting to find a timeline or rhythm in regards to his level of control. For the next week, he’d be able to keep a handle on his arousal, but once they hit day nine or ten, it would be more difficult for him to calm himself. After two weeks, he’d be at risk of losing all control.
“Thanks for cheering for me,” he said while pulling her close once more. “It meant a lot to me.”
“We should get inside,” she told him as she began to climb off his lap. It was too warm in the car to stay there for very long.
“Have you thought much about your birthday?” he asked before she could open the door.
Sookie was grateful her back was to him because every time her birthday was mentioned all she could think about was Eric’s desire to go down on her. That made conversations with Gran very confusing and awkward when she asked about the cake she wanted.
She shook her head.
“You still haven’t asked me much about it. You asked a few things at the park when I first brought it up, but you never followed through on talking about it when we got to the hotel.”
Slowly Sookie turned to him, “Embarrassed.”
“Why?” he asked, intrigued. Sookie gave him a look that questioned why he was oblivious to the answer. “It’s funny how you can be so bold one second and so timid the next,” he laughed as he pulled her back against him. Despite the oppressing heat inside the car, he wanted just a couple more minutes alone with her.
Turning in his arms, Sookie took out her purse, opened it, pulled out a paper and handed it to Eric. It was on one of their blue notebook pages.
Unfolding the paper curiously, Eric was surprised to find an entire page of thoughts and worries presented to him in Sookie’s beautiful handwriting.
“These are all the things you’ve been thinking about since I brought it up?” Eric asked in surprise.
“I needed time to think,” she explained.
“‘How do I reciprocate?’” Eric read off the paper, and Sookie flinched. “Sookie, it’s not a bartering system. You do things as you want. ‘What if I don’t like it?’” He smiled. “I doubt that would be a huge problem, but maybe let me know how I could be better?” As he read on, he was smiling, and at one point he stopped reading and just leaned forward to kiss her. “The things you know from what our classmates talk about is terrifying. No, I won’t put my fingers up your butt.” Sookie covered her face with her hands in embarrassment. “Hmm, well, it looks like I’ll need to study this a bit, but I’ll answer all of these,” he promised, folding the paper and putting it in his pocket. “Right now, though, it’s getting too hot in here!”
Eric pushed his door open, and it was terrifying to find that the air was much cooler outside despite it being mid-May.
In reality, Eric had come across the question, ‘Why don’t you masturbate?’ and just wasn’t sure how to answer it. To be honest, ‘getting off’ hadn’t been on his mind for quite some time. Every so often his body demanded it, and since becoming more adventurous with Sookie, many a pair of boxers had been soiled. But how could he explain to his girlfriend that at 18, he had already lost interest in immediate gratification? He wasn’t sure if it was because he had started having sex so young, because of his mother’s death, or maybe even because he had met Sookie. Whatever the reason was, if Sookie wasn’t there, he didn’t see much of a point.
Sookie crawled out of the car as well, joining Eric as he combed his hair back with his hand. Suddenly he understood why Sookie had taken her time writing this list. He would need to take his time answering it.
“Do you masturbate a lot?” Eric asked suddenly, and Sookie looked at him in surprise. She shook her hand in a so-so manner. “Daily?” she shook her head. “How many times a week?”
Sookie shrugged before holding up four fingers. This wasn’t exactly accurate. It really depended on the week or the time of the month for that matter. She wouldn’t even be thinking about touching herself for the current week.
“I just don’t get too preoccupied with it, I guess,” Eric told her. “Eventually my body tells me it needs it and that’s when you make a mess of me,” he teased. “But as for why? I really couldn’t say.”
Taking this into consideration, Sookie wondered what that could mean for their future sex life. Would he not want sex often? Would he want sex all the time? She was beginning to wish she had her page of questions back as more came to mind. The last inquiry on the page was making her nervous now. What if I want more than just your mouth?
When the couple came into the house, they were grateful to find everyone had already convened in the kitchen to set up lunch. With just the five of them, they decided to set the prep counters with the pre-made food and cake and just socialize in the kitchen. Gran was sitting on a barstool at the breakfast bar, and smiling fondly at her grandson as she snapped one last picture of him before he discarded his cap and gown.
“I’m so happy to see you graduate, Dear,” Gran told him. “I’m even happier to hear you changed your mind about college!”
Jason snorted, “It’s just a little community college in Shreveport, Gran. A couple night courses a semester.”
“That’s more than I ever expected you to agree to!” Gran laughed. “I’m so proud of you.” She looked sideways at Sookie. “Maybe it will encourage your sister to reconsider college.”
“I think she’s looking to get her MRS, not a BA,” Jason commented.
Sookie’s head snapped to glare at her brother, and threw the only sign language he could understand.
“You put that middle finger down, young lady!” Gran barked. “Voice or no voice, that’s no way for a lady to act! And, Jason, don’t say such rude things in front of her boyfriend!”
“What?” Jason shrugged, “I thought I was helping!”
Pam distracted the situation by putting out the platter of food that had been in the fridge, “Let’s just eat some lunch already!”
As everyone was distracted by food, Sookie slipped away to Pam’s room. She had hidden Eric’s graduation gift in there. It had taken a lucky stroll through a pawn shop and a bargain to do all the church event baking for the next year, but Sookie had managed to purchase Eric his first guitar. Pam had agreed to stow it for her the night before the graduation ceremony so she could give it to him right after.
Coming back down the stairs, Sookie wasn’t quite surprised to see Eric on his way to find her.
“What do you have there?” Eric smiled as Sookie unsuccessfully hid the present behind her back.
“Your present,” she mouthed as she pulled the guitar from behind her back.
Eric grinned as he quickly ascended the stairs to meet her halfway. She handed him the guitar and gave an apologetic shrug over how beat up it was.
“This will give me something to do my first year away,” he smiled as he sat on the step and Sookie sidled up next to him. His fingers gave a light, experimental strum and the strings crooned in an out of tune chorus. “I’ll try to get some basics learned before leaving. Otherwise, my roommate might kill me.”
Sookie leaned her head against his shoulder as his fingers played softly against the strings of his new guitar. When he felt her hand in his pocket, Eric looked down at her in surprise, but relaxed when she pulled out her list of questions from earlier.
“You want to keep going through them?” Eric asked. Sookie shook her head and held up one finger. “You want me to answer one of them? Which one?” She pointed to the question. It was the one she finally felt she wanted the answer to. “You… want more?” he looked at her with a mixture of emotions.
Sookie turned and reached into her purse for her ever-present pen. Using her thigh, she wrote on the back of the paper.
“I know why you wanted to wait, and if that’s still how you feel, I respect that. But you should know, that even if college could manage to break us up, I’d rather things end with the knowledge that I got to know you completely. I want to spend the first summer of my first romance with you in every way I can for as long as I can.”
Eric read the paragraph three times before he finally looked at his girlfriend. “I want that too,” he whispered. “But before any of that, there’s something we’ve been skirting around. I think I know why, but I can’t be with you if I don’t say it.”
Oh, Sookie bemoaned silently, no, don’t say it! Please, God, don’t let him say it!
“I love you, Sookie,” Eric murmured as he took her hand. “Don’t gesture or write or anything. Just kiss me, and that’s all I need. I know you want to say it. I feel it. So, for now, just let me say it for the both of us, alright?”
Please, God, if there were ever a moment you should unstick my voice; this is it!Sookie pleaded as she opened her mouth. She knew her throat would close even before her lips moved. She knew that even the softest sound would clog at her vocal chords, but she still wished an angel would clear her throat for a fraction of a second she needed to tell him what she’d wanted to say. Instead, while her throat remained closed, her tear ducts opened. Instead of words, salty rivers came.
Eric could feel her cries even as her mouth reached for his. She kissed him as tears ran down her face. She sucked in his breath with a chest-rattling sob, and he held her close.
“It’s alright. I know, Sookie. I know,” he soothed as he buried his face into her neck. “I’m sorry, but I need you to hear me say it. I need you to know that I love you so much that not saying it every time I see you I feel like I’m lying to your face.”
Sookie clung to Eric as she accepted his declaration. It wasn’t that she didn’t desire to hear it… She just wished desperately that she could say it back. She wanted to use her voice; not the voice she had hidden behind for nine years. Words were laying dormant in her chest, not her hands, and she wanted them to come out. The weight of those words was crushing her lungs.
“Please, don’t cry,” Eric begged as he held her tighter. “We knew. That should have been what mattered. I’m sorry, Sookie,” he felt his chest grow heavy with the guilt of what he’d taken. The brief relief of finally telling her how he felt seemed superficial and mocking now.
Pulling away, Sookie wiped another stray tear away as she took the paper back from him and quickly wrote, “Say it twice as much for me. Keep saying it twice as many times until I can say it back.”
Eric read her promise before he kissed the page and then her lips. When he went to kiss her, he couldn’t help but let out a sobbing laugh, “You had to write something that romantic on the back of a paper covered in sex questions?”
Sookie let out a watery giggle as she pulled him in for another kiss.
“I love you, I love you,” he mumbled against her lips.
Sookie jerked away at the sudden voice in her ear but found herself restrained by a sturdy pair of arms.
“It’s just me,” Eric chuckled as he loomed over her in the darkness of her bedroom. There was scarcely half a moon to illuminate her room, and the late hour wasn’t helping any. “It’s midnight. Happy birthday! I wanted to be the first to tell you.”
Sookie reached for her bedside lamp and then turned in Eric’s arms. “How did you get in here?” she asked.
A Cheshire cat smile split his mouth, “I came in through the bathroom window.”
Sookie gaped at him. The bathroom window was eight feet off the ground and barely two square feet big!
“That is my own little secret,” Eric told her mischievously. “You see, I know it’s going to be difficult getting you to myself most of the day. I only have you booked for two hours, a half hour of which is driving out to this farm with horse trails, then an hour of riding, and then a half hour ride back. So, if I wanted any ‘Sookie is legal’ time, I had to get it in now.”
“Undoubtedly,” he agreed easily. “But I’m helplessly in love with you, so I can be a pig from time to time, right?”
Sookie sighed but nodded in agreement.
“Thankfully, my only real mission was to be the first person to wish you a happy birthday,” he whispered. “Since that’s out of the way, I can leave if you want me to. Or I can stick around, and we can cuddle,” he offered.
“We can cuddle,”she agreed. “We’ll see what happens from there.”
“All I wanted was a foot in the door,” he assured as Sookie reached for her bedside lamp and shut it off. “Just… Pat my hand or something from time to time so I know you’re still awake. I’d hate it if you weren’t awake to feel me feeling you up.”
Yeah, like I’ll be able to fall asleep when your hands are running all over me like that, Sookie noted as his hands pressed and squeezed against her belly and sides. Before long she could feel him pressing against her backside, and she sighed. Eric getting hard was a staple in their making out. If his hands were on her for more than a moment, it was a guaranteed result.
Although it seems a lot hotter now, she thought as his breath was warm and wet against her neck. Though his hands remained against her abdomen, she felt herself gasp from time to time as he’d push against her lower stomach and she’d feel her womb clench in response. Oh, my God.She thought her body was being far too responsive to such small efforts. As the heel of his palm rocked rhythmically against her uterus, she felt his other hand rise to cup her breast. His fingers tugged at a nipple that had already hardened, and her thighs clenched reflexively. What’s happening?She clutched his forearm with a combination of helplessness and pleading.
As his hand removed its pressure from her womb, Sookie wanted to protest, but that hand slid down further against her thigh. She felt his hand slide inward between her legs and held her breath as his middle finger stroked her folds.
“You’re already starting to get a little wet,” he tugged her earlobe with his teeth, and Sookie shuddered excitedly. A surge of excitement pulsed to his nether regions as he discovered his girlfriend slept without panties. His finger slowly worked her arousal over her clit and began to rub there in a teasingly light manner. He felt her hand tighten on his forearm and paused. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked softly. “Push me away if you want me to stop,” he encouraged. Rather than push, she placed her hand over his and pressed his fingers where she liked them. Experimental strokes of his fingers made Sookie let out the breath she’d been holding, and he felt her begin to move against his touch.
Sookie watched as Eric’s form slipped from behind her and rolled her onto her back. Soon he was towering above her, one hand supporting his weight as the other stroked between her legs. His mouth kissed and encouraged her as his fingers probed and explored. When his middle finger slid inside, Sookie marveled at the depths he could venture that her own fingers could not.
“You only use those tiny fingers of yours in here, don’t you?” he asked as his finger slowly slid in and out. Sookie’s head nodded, and her lips parted when he struck untouched spaces inside. His wrist pivoted, touching all the surfaces of her inner walls and a soft moan escaped her lips. “There are those noises that I love to hear,” Eric kissed her again. “Don’t hold back. I want to hear you.”
His girlfriend groaned as his finger left her channel to play with her clit once more. She opened her legs further as her hands came to cover her face. Even though it was difficult to see in the dark, their eyes were adjusted now, and there was no escaping his entranced gaze. He was watching her every movement.
Eric let her hide from him, knowing that in time she wouldn’t. If covering her face helped her escape and just enjoy what he was doing, then the young man wouldn’t object even if he wanted to see her expression as he gave her pleasure.
Since her mouth was covered with her hands, Eric began kissing down the length of her body. Her nightgown was mostly in the way, but it was starting to bunch above her navel, so he focused his energy on kissing and licking her belly until her legs had opened all the way and he could nestle his head between them.
Sookie seemed to notice the shift of his weight because she looked from between her fingers at him, watching in anticipation as his mouth lowered to her sex. She was captivated when his eyes closed, and he seemed to savor her taste. He licked enthusiastically at first, and just as soon as Sookie began to grow concerned about his methods, his tongue lathed over her clit in firm, repetitive strokes.
Eric opened his eyes to look up at Sookie as she instinctively muffled herself. Although the shout was definitely loud for Sookie, it was barely as loud as a sleepy grunt. Certainly not enough to disturb anyone from their sleep.
Her hips began to tilt away from his face, and her hands alternated between clutching the bed and reaching for his head. She never committed to either movement, and he enjoyed watching her body lose control. His hands kept busy while one slipped its fingers in and out of her pussy and the other kneaded and rubbed her thigh. Eric could feel her walls beginning to tighten down on his finger, and knew if he just kept doing what he was doing, he might actually pull this off!
Stay there, stay there, stay there, Sookie begged internally as she sucked in a breath and didn’t release it. Eric’s touches intensified as he heard her hold her breath, and was soon gifted with the pulsing clench of her inner muscles as he gave her the first orgasm of their relationship.
Her breath came back in rapid gasps, and Eric gently stroked her wet, swollen lips as she came back down. Their soft throbbing against his fingers brought a million fantasies as he looked up at her stunned face.
Eric watched as she finally caught her breath, and pulled away as she sat up. When she reached her arms around him and stole a deep, grateful kiss, he could only smile and bask in his success.
“You’re adorable when you cum, Sookie,” Eric told her as she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled herself tighter against his body. “You have absolutely no idea what to do with your hands!” he teased before kissing her again.
“I taste okay?” she asked bashfully.
“Mmm hmm,” he assured. “More than okay. Five Star dining.” She snorted and rolled her eyes. “You don’t believe me? Can you not feel how fucking hard I am right now? That’s from dining at Café Sookie.” As usual, his compliments walked that fine line of vulgar and endearing for her.
With a small shimmy of her hips, Sookie easily felt the erection of which he spoke. It was hard between her sensitive lower lips, and she felt as though she needed it to stay there.
“Eric,”Sookie wondered how well he could see her signs in the dark, “can I have more?”
There was a pause before her boyfriend replied, “You liked it that much?” He seemed happy to know this. She nodded as she leaned in to kiss him. Her flavor was still on his lips but tasted much better than she remembered it tasting before. “I’d be happy to oblige,” he agreed as he went to push her from his lap, but she held tight. “I can’t go down on you in this position,” he pointed out with a chuckle.
Sookie shook her head, “Sex.”
Eric fumbled a moment as he understood her request, “I don’t have condoms, Sookie. I didn’t come here thinking you’d-”
“I’m on the pill,” she told him.
“Wait, what?” he stared in disbelief. “Since when?”
“January,” she answered.
“Why?” he asked.
She paused, confused by his question. Finally, she realized she didn’t have enough words in her ASL vocabulary to answer. With a sigh, she turned the bedside lamp on again and reached for her notepad.
“Because that’s when I knew I wanted to have sex with you, but I’m not ready for a baby,” she held up the paper as if this shouldn’t need to be explained.
“How did you get on the pill?” Eric was still reeling.
“Gran took me to the doctor, I had an exam, and they gave me pills,” She still wasn’t comprehending his disbelief. Wasn’t this what women did?
“Gran knows!?” Eric yelped, quickly losing his momentum in the situation.
“I told her I’ve had desires for it. She’s the one who suggested the pill,”Sookie was losing patience in the conversation. “But the moment’s gone now, so forget it.”
“Oh, I can get the moment back,” Eric told her without concern. “I’m just surprised that you’ve been thinking about this.”
“Because…” How did he tell her he never thought of her as pragmatic? Sookie waited for his answer, and a small wound tore at her self-esteem. She wondered if he felt that expecting sex from him was egotistical. “Because you’re such a romantic. I guess I saw this going a different way.”
“What way is that?”Sookie asked.
“Candles, music, family members not being on either side of your bedroom,” Eric responded. “I guess I was the romantic. I want it to be special for you… For us.”
“I can wait,” Sookie felt terrible that she was trying to steal something he wanted from him.
Eric laughed, “Oh, you can?” She nodded as if she hadn’t heard the joke in his words. “Then give me some time to plan it out. I want it to be perfect for you,” he leaned in to give her another kiss. “Right now, I should probably sneak out of your house and get back to my own bed. We both need a good night’s sleep if we’re going to survive your birthday in the morning. It’s a drive to that horseback riding place.”
“You woke me up,” she reminded him.
“I know I did,” he laughed, “but you can’t go pretending you didn’t love every minute of it.” Sookie pouted. He was right. “I’ll see you in the morning. I love you, I love you,” he told her as he kissed her one last time before heading for her window. “Sleep tight.”
Sookie waved to him as he climbed out her window and dropped to the ground below. She rose from bed to make sure he landed safely, and when she saw him sprint across the lawn, she sighed to herself.
Tonight could have been perfect for me, she thought. As long as it was with you, it would have been perfect.