Unspoken Feelings Ch. 6

Chapter Six: The Art of Conversation

Eric watched, enchanted by the way Sookie loped through the bookshelves of the small town library. No one would have thought she was still nursing a pair of blistered soles with the way she pranced about the stacks of literature, but there was no containing her joy at being in the library. Soon there was a pile of books on a work table, and Eric was finally forced to ask what they were doing.

“What are we researching?” he whispered, but still earned a professional ‘shh’ from the librarian. He turned his head to raise his eyebrows at the crotchety old woman. There was no fathoming a way to soften his voice any further.

Sookie smiled excitedly, “My research project with Pam.”

Choosing not to be shushed again, Eric took her pen and asked, “What’s your project?”

“Demonstrating the nervous system responding to stimuli after death,” Sookie answered.

“How?” Sookie pointed to the stack of books and stuck her tongue out at her boyfriend who rolled his eyes. “Anything I can do?” he asked.

Sookie thought for a moment, but realized that her idea of a date was… studying… by herself.

“I could just borrow these, and we could go do something else,” she offered, embarrassed that she had forgotten to consider his needs as well. Pam always had great ideas, and Sookie was quickly coming to the understanding that she had no idea how to make plans for two.

Eric frowned at her unease, but snatched her pen back from her, “How about you pick me out your favorite book. I can read that while you research. That way you can get some work done, and I can have something to talk to you about during lunch?”

Sookie’s eyes widened at his offer, but she became suddenly embarrassed. Could she stand to let Eric read her favorite book? Would he even be caught dead reading it? She couldn’t see Eric sitting there reading a cheesy romance novel. Sookie knew they were terrible, but romance was her biggest, most secret fantasy. She wasn’t ready for him to know that!

“Can it be one of my favorite books?” Sookie asked.

Eric smiled and nodded.

Sookie leaped silently from her chair and moments later returned with, Death is a Lonely Business.

Eric smiled as she handed it to him, “I’ve read this one.”

“SHHH!”

Eric flinched and reached once more for the pen and paper, “I love Ray Bradbury.”

Sookie pointed to herself with a grin and mouthed, “‘Martian Chronicles’?” Eric nodded, and she reached for the pen to tell him, “The poem, around the beginning, is one of my favorites.”

“I don’t remember it off the top of my head,” Eric replied, finding a thrill in his blood as their hands touched while the pen was passed back and forth.

Sookie dove back into the stacks of books and returned with a book of poetry. Lord Byron. Eric knew the name, but couldn’t recall if any of his work had been in a Ray Bradbury book.

Flipping to the table of contents, Sookie found the poem she was looking for, and Eric spotted a title that seemed familiar. However, his girlfriend quickly flipped to the set of stanzas she sought that were not so ingrained in his memory.

So we’ll go no more a-roving

So late into the night

for the heart be still as loving

and the moon be still as bright

As Eric read the words, he could remember the passage from the book she had mentioned. It was strange to jump back five years of his life and remember the book he had read as a seventh grader. Eric had not gained his height just yet and been bullied from time to time because many thought the boy would be short like his older brother. Then, in the summer between seventh and eighth grade, he’d grown several inches just in time to start at a new school. Three weeks after that, he lost his virginity, and Eric began losing sight of himself in all the new possibilities the world started to offer him.

Taking the book into his hands, Eric decided that a late morning with a book of poetry and a pretty girl was a day well spent. Sookie watched him as he began flipping through the different stanzas and eventually smiled to herself as she started her research. After a half hour of memorizing some promising material to spring on his girlfriend later, Eric found his mind wandering and unfocused. He couldn’t shake the conversation they’d had in his car or the concern it caused to bubble up inside him.

He felt annoyed with himself for bringing up the possibility of sex between them. Of course, the topic had revolved around Eric’s sordid past, but he hadn’t intended to infer that he was already thinking about when it would be time to start having sex again. What he’d meant to be a reassurance that he wasn’t in any sort of hurry to jump into bed might have become some sort of insinuation.

The only solace he could scrounge up was that Sookie didn’t appear uncomfortable. Perhaps he was overthinking things, and she had understood or even appreciated his intentions to wait. Maybe she realized that he hadn’t set some arbitrary date, but merely tried to express that there was no rush.

Deciding not to dwell any longer, Eric refocused himself on watching the cute way Sookie’s nose scrunched as she read the book in front of her and idly tapped the end of her pen against her plump bottom lip. Before he knew it, all the anxiety washed away, and he remained peacefully sitting, contemplating.

Glancing up from her book, Sookie saw Eric watching her and blushingly began packing up her things. He had patiently sat with her in the library for two hours, it was time to let him loose.

Flipping to a clean sheet of notebook paper, Sookie realized she would need a new one soon as she asked, “Where to now?”

“Chili dogs and milkshakes?” Eric suggested with an impish look on his face. Sookie wasn’t sure exactly what it was about that expression, but a squeak broke free from her throat as a giant grin spread across her lips. “I MADE YOU LAUGH!” Eric roared happily, making the poor librarian nearly have a heart attack at his sudden noise.

“HUSH!”

Eric ignored the chastising and enveloped Sookie in his arms instead. They hugged for a moment before Sookie gently pushed him away and bashfully went back to stacking her books. With a limb still draped around her waist, Eric took the books in his free one and carried them to the counter. His girlfriend handed over her library card and they both silently, patiently waited as the librarian stamped the rental form for each book and glared at Eric the entire time.

When they were free to go on their way, Eric put Sookie’s books into the back seat of his car and pointed up the road to the single chain restaurant in all of Bon Temps: Dairy Queen.

“Up for walking to the corner?” Eric asked, pointing at the little restaurant.

Nodding in agreement, Sookie let Eric take her hand as they strolled toward the corner. As Eric’s palm held hers, Sookie marveled at its strength and warmth. Only her hand was protected by his, but somehow, she knew that the rest of her was as well. He would pull her from danger and shield her from attacks. That was what his grasp conveyed to Sookie.

What if someone sees him holding my hand? Sookie panicked at the idea. She knew that entire flocks of teenage girls followed Eric around at school. If one of them saw Eric holding her hand, would they be mean to him? Would he lose friends?

There was no time to agonize over the possibilities as they were soon walking into the little Dairy Queen, and Eric ordered them both a pair of chili dogs and a shake. There was a brief flash of embarrassment as Sookie had to mouth the word, “Chocolate,” for her milkshake flavor, and Amber Tinkle’s mouth dropped open at the pretense of Sookie trying to communicate without her notebook. Amber was in Jason’s grade and had known Sookie for several years. Even when visiting at Jason’s house, she’d never witnessed Sookie move her lips for more than a yawn or sneeze.

It was in that moment of stunned observation that Amber noticed the pair holding hands. All of her will-power was utilized to complete the order before she grabbed her coworker to gossip in the supply closet.

Eric sighed as he watched his classmate drag another boy from his grade out of sight, and knew that the waves of rumors would already begin. Despite his best efforts to steer Sookie into the plastic booth furthest from the counter, she could still hear as Amber went to tell Kevin Davies that ‘Crazy Sookie’ was on a date with ‘the hot, new guy.’

“Didn’t they go to homecoming together?” he heard Kevin ask.

“Yeah, but she’s friends with his sister. I thought it was just a pity date,” Amber replied.

“Is it okay?” Eric asked Sookie, trying to distract from the noisy teens, and his girlfriend found herself being pulled from eavesdropping mode.

Blushing, Sookie nodded. She never intended to eavesdrop. Somehow, everything just seemed much louder and more noticeable to her.

“Could those two talk any louder?” Eric wondered in annoyance. Sookie looked at him in surprise as he raised his voice to make sure the gossipers could hear him. Suddenly, the shop went quiet, and Sookie felt even more embarrassed. She wondered if he’d purposefully sat them in the booth furthest from the storage room. “How about next time we go to Shreveport or Bossier? Maybe that way you won’t have to listen to crap like this. I bet the food would be better too.”

Nodding slowly in agreement, Sookie ate the remainder of her lunch in silence. She had Amber’s shocked face imprinted on her eyes as Sookie mouthed her order. In less than a day, Sookie felt like she’d been talking to someone. Eric could already read her lips so well! She’d felt almost normal.

Now, Sookie couldn’t help but feel resentful of her notebook. She found herself sitting on it to avoid having to use it in the conversation. She didn’t want Amber to peek over at them and see her writing to speak with Eric. Sookie could already imagine the assumptions her classmates would make about what she was writing to him. It was one thing for the community to make fun of her. It was an entirely different thing to listen to Eric get dragged into all the teasing and gossip. She could practically hear the news headline for the next day. ‘Hot Guy Sets Sights on Silent Friend of Sister.’

As they finished up lunch, Eric took Sookie’s hand and tugged her toward the door. He didn’t feel like sticking around after seeing how much his girlfriend’s mood had been affected.

“Are you alright?” Eric asked once they were back in the car. Sookie looked at her notebook sadly. For the first time in a long time, it embarrassed her. It wasn’t her tool for overcoming a disability at that moment. Instead, it felt like a shackle keeping her imprisoned for the crime she committed eight years ago. “Sookie?”

Sookie held up the notebook like a shield, and her expression was enough for Eric to see the contempt she had for the book through which she communicated.

“I don’t mind at all,” he told her. “You shouldn’t mind either.” He took the notebook from her and

looked at the cover which she had decorated with creeping vines and blooming flowers. She had an affinity for floral patterns. “This is your voice, Sookie. Written or spoken, I get to know your thoughts. I get to see more than just the words. I can see when the words get sloppy because you’re excited or nervous. I can see when you’re thoughtful or cautious from the pen lifts. It’s still a voice, Sookie. This is your voice, and it’s beautiful.”

Tentatively, Sookie took her notebook back, “And if all of this works out between us, you don’t mind having to listen to people talk about ‘Crazy Sookie’ behind our backs?”

Eric sighed, “What they say won’t have any effect on how I feel about you. That doesn’t mean I won’t mind hearing people say shitty things about someone I know to be wonderful. I will mind, but I’d also mind if I heard them say things about Pam or Godric.”

“I don’t want you to endure that, though.”

“Sookie,” Eric rolled his eyes with frustration, “do you think I wanted you to endure listening to my own siblings drudge up the skeletons in my closet? Not at all. The point is, we talked it through, and we’re fine. Right?” Sookie nodded slowly in acceptance. “So life won’t be perfect. You’ll have to hold me back from smashing in stupid people’s faces when they talk shit about you. I’ll make especially sure people realize what you mean to me. So can we stop looking at your notebook like some sort of anchor around our necks?”

“Okay,” she mouthed, making Eric smile at her and finally start their drive home.

“Do you want to have afternoon tea with us?” Eric asked as he drove toward Rosenfont Hall. He had mastered the art of watching for her head’s movements in his peripheral vision.

Sookie shook her head as she realized she still needed to shower and dress before going to early evening services. They didn’t begin until 5:30PM, but she didn’t want to be in a hurry. It was already after two. Afternoon tea usually lasted an hour, and Sookie knew Pam wouldn’t let her go easily.

Eric glanced at her, seeing the contemplative expression on her face. She probably still has chores to do, and she’s been stuck with us all weekend so far, he thought sympathetically.

“It’s probably a good thing if you went home for now. I think Godric, Pam and I need to have it out over tea time,” Eric laughed. “Besides, you got church tonight.”

Sookie nodded, grateful that he at least guessed half of her reason for declining the offer. As he pulled up in front of her house, he leaned in and gave her a chaste kiss. “Because you’re sweet, and it makes me happy,” he teased before jumping out of the car and getting her door.

Mister Manners! Sookie thought as he walked her to the door and everything.

“Thanks for a perfect first date,” Eric gave her one more kiss, and Sookie opened her front door as she waved goodbye.

With a new skip in his step, Eric went home to find Godric had put out his preferred peppermint tea for their afternoon tradition. Pam appeared to be stewing about the absence of her jasmine.

“Hey,” Eric carefully greeted as he came through the sitting room archway.

Godric looked at him and just as hesitantly replied, “Hey.”

“Sookie’s not with you?” Pam asked worriedly.

“She had to go to church since they didn’t go this morning,” Eric explained as he slowly entered the room.

“You were with her this whole time?” Pam asked, sounding far more relieved than Eric expected.

“Yeah. We went to the library so Sookie could start working on your research demonstration, and then we had a bite at Dairy Queen for lunch. I invited her to tea, but she needed to get home and start getting ready for services,” Eric explained as he took his usual seat at the roundtable.

The three siblings poured their cups as they began discussing their day. Eventually, the subject came full circle, and the topic was back on to Eric and Sookie.

“I’m sorry,” Godric told his brother. “It was wrong of me to bring all that crap up over breakfast.”

Eric absorbed the apology a moment before he smiled, “It was something we were going to talk about eventually. I was more bothered by what you seem to think of me.”

“It’s not true, the things I said, or how I said them,” said Godric. “Pam and I talked while you were gone, and I know that I wasn’t fair to you at all. I wasn’t even accurate about you.”

“Like I said,” Eric sighed, “Sookie and I worked through everything. Yes, we are officially dating. We even discussed a little about what we would do when I leave for college.”

“You’re really serious about her,” Pam whispered, and he could hear the heartbreak as well as the acceptance in her voice.

“I really am,” Eric told her. “I don’t even know what about her makes me so serious. All I know is that she keeps my ego in check in the best way. She’s grounded and beautiful and…” He looked at his sister regretfully.

Pam shrugged, “Listen, you guys were right. She’s obviously straight, and I can’t change that. It’s better this way. I’d never pant after my brother’s girlfriend, and the idea of kissing a girl who’s had your penis in her mouth is an automatic turn off.”

Eric chuckled and shook his head, “Well, it’ll probably be awhile before there’s any genital touching, but that’s good to know.” Pam raised her eyebrows in surprise at her brother. “It’s been a long time since I’ve connected to anyone,” Eric admitted ruefully. “I don’t want to risk confusing a connection with being physically connected.”

Pam frowned as she considered this, “It’s been so long since she’s had any sort of friend… Socially,

she’s playing a lot of catch up. I bet she doesn’t know much about connecting with people either.” She looked at her oldest brother. “Got any analysis this time?”

Godric blushed. After his purposefully appalling insight earlier that day, he was hesitant to make another observation. “I guess, the only thing I could suggest is to move at her pace. Let her set the speed, but don’t let her push herself too hard too fast. Make sure she knows that you’re not just acting patient with her.”

“What do you mean?” Eric asked curiously.

“Well, always reassuring Sookie could make her think she’s holding you back. Always saying ‘it’s all right,’ or ‘I don’t mind’ could make her acknowledge that what is happening is abnormal and an inconvenience. Instead, you might want to try expressing enjoyment of the situation rather than draw attention to how it is different.”

Pam injected suddenly, “Women want to know that you’re enjoying their company. It’s as simple as that. We don’t want to feel like you’re putting up with us.”

“But I do like spending time with her,” Eric frowned. “I’ve never felt like I was putting up with anything.”

“I guess you have nothing to worry about then,” Pam shrugged. “She’s got the hots for you, and you like spending time together. Those are the two most important things. Attraction and being able to stand one another. Look at Mom and our father. They were nothing alike, but they were super in love. Even if he was a major ass to everyone else, including his children, that doesn’t negate the fact that he loved Mom.”

Both brothers paused to begrudgingly accept their sister’s point. There was a silence that followed as all three considered the frustration that their father could be so distant toward them but so open with their mother.

{†}

“Ready?” Eric laughed as he pulled into a parking space at the high school. Sookie’s mouth was stretched into a tight smile as her boyfriend jumped from his seat and came around to open her door for her. Pam was sitting in the back of the Acura, having insisted that Eric and Sookie ride up front together.

There were already people staring at Eric since he had a little fan club of girls who mooned over him. That was why, before the new couple could even walk into the school, the halls were already buzzing about the two of them holding hands as they walked through the parking lot.

“Well, that didn’t take long, did it?” Eric laughed as he lazily swung his and Sookie’s hands between them. His girlfriend looked up at him nervously as she could already hear everyone gossiping about the unfairly matched pair. She couldn’t bring herself to confess that she’d already been subjected to the beginnings of the rumors at church the evening before.

“I saw them having lunch together yesterday,” Amber muttered to her friend.

“So, Homecoming wasn’t a pity date?” her friend, Dawn, asked in surprise.

“I guess Baby Stackhouse puts out as easily as her brother,” Amber cackled.

“Who the hell was fucking her to get her good enough to land the new guy?” Dawn moaned with

disappointment.

Sookie honed in on several different conversations before discovering that the general consensus was that she was such a good lay it had gotten her a boyfriend. This rumor was going to get ugly fast. She just knew it…

“I’ll see you after third period,” Eric promised as he arrived at the girls’ homeroom. They had decided to split up the classes they walked together so that Pam had a few chances to have open girl time with her friend. Eric had agreed to this arrangement begrudgingly.

Sookie smiled up at him despite the concern she felt about the growing rumors. When he leaned in to kiss her goodbye, she turned her cheek at the last moment, and he only caught the corner of her mouth.

“You okay?” he asked comfortingly. Sookie nodded stiffly, and he smiled. “We’ll be old news in no time, Sookie. Don’t worry about it.”

Unfortunately, Sookie had her doubts about Eric’s reassurance. After eight years, people still found new and creative ways to poke fun at her. She calculated that they would be ‘old news’ once they moved away, or if they broke up. Those were the only options she could see to end the murmuring.

Well, she thought with a sigh, better to lean into the skid. With that, she smiled, lifted onto her toes and stole a kiss from her boyfriend. Eric froze in surprise at her sudden confidence in kissing him but recovered when he saw that her cheeks were glowing.

“Trying to prove something?” Eric guessed at her rosy cheeks. She raised her hand in that so-so gesture that always made him chuckle. “Fine by me!” he laughed as he waved goodbye and headed to his own homeroom.

“Ew, you kissed my brother in front of me,” Pam fake gagged, making Sookie smile.

“Get used to it,” Sookie scribbled quickly and stuck her tongue out at Pam for good measure.

“Someone’s getting sassy,” Pam chortled as they went to their seats and ignored Mrs. Fleures while she talked about the upcoming week, and the next round of school events.

“I realized that the rumors and stuff don’t stop, so it’s a waste of energy chasing them down and trying to correct them. Everyone believes I slept with Eric after Homecoming, so what does it matter if they see me kiss him?” Sookie turned the notebook over for Pam to read and her friend frowned at what she saw there.

“Want me to kick their asses?” Pam asked.

Sookie shook her head, “No! Just leave it alone. It’s definitely not worth it.”

Pam shrugged, and the girls finally focused on homeroom announcements. When first period was

finally going to begin, the girls walked with each other to class.

“I guarantee she put holes in the rubber,” Crystal accused.

“I wouldn’t put it past her to pregnancy trap him,” Dawn agreed cattily, glaring at Sookie as she passed.

“She’s hooking up with an heir of the Beauchéne fortune. Of course, she’ll try and get knocked up,” Maudette continued on. Sookie had to drag Pam the rest of the way to her class to avoid a fight.

But the rumors do settle down, Sookie told herself comfortingly as she ignored Pam’s yowling as she dragged her to the next room. The quiet girl was experiencing a revelation despite the obscenities her friend was uttering. Sure, she still got picked on for her silence and bullied quite regularly for the same reason. However, it lost its edge after a while. Either your heart hardens, or the blows lose some of their sharpness; she wasn’t sure which was the case. People seemed to become less intent out of tedium. Even if the rumors never stopped, they would cease hurting eventually.

Maybe I want to move away from here, Sookie considered as she settled into the first class. She wasn’t sure that she could ever forgive Bon Temps.

But what would I do for money? Her brain prodded her to think. Am I going to get knocked up like everyone is saying?

Of course not! Sookie snarled at herself. A strange rattle came from her throat, and it made both her and the boy next to her jump. Steven Duff stared at Sookie in shock. He’d never heard a single sound from the girl his entire school career, and now he could have sworn a growl had just rolled out of her.

Then what would I do? Sookie wondered, ignoring the involuntary sound. They’d been coming more often now, but they were just unintentional noises. A small part of her felt a little thrill when they happened, but her inability to make them on purpose was disheartening.

What would I do? Sookie’s hand began to move along her paper in another vine-y doodle. She’d wanted to be an artist, but that seemed precisely what Dr. Jones had said: a means to remain silent.

But if my voice never comes back? What will I do? After eight years, it seemed stupid to hold any hope that she’d miraculously start speaking. Even just… A little bit, she found herself wishing for the first time in so long. To be able to say ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ To let her Gran hear, ‘I love you,’ from her lips. Just once, being able to finally tell Jason, ‘I am sorry.’ There were so many things she wished she could say-

“Sookie,” Mr. Thompson tore her away from her thoughts, “what are you doing?”

Looking sheepishly at her doodle, Sookie moved her hand in silent confession to daydreaming.

“Pay attention,” he scowled, “or I’ll give you your midterm exam right now.”

Sookie grimaced and turned over a fresh sheet in her notebook. Mr. Thompson seemed appeased by this and went back to his lecture.

It only took a minute out of the spotlight before Sookie’s mind began to wander. Purposefully, she put her pencil down so she couldn’t be caught drawing again.

What can I do without a voice? She began to consider. What will get me out of Bon Temps?

The idea of leaving her Gran and brother behind wasn’t a welcome one, but at the same time, Sookie

wasn’t sure she could stay in the small town forever. After everything she’d been through and all the things she’d listened to people say about her, it was difficult to let it go. The fact that her only friends were from out of town was more proof that there was happiness available to her out in the world if she was only brave enough to go looking for it.

Maybe I could learn to sign? Sookie contemplated as the bell rang for the end of the first period and

she packed up her materials to meet Pam before her next class.

Eric signs, Sookie remembered Pam mentioning that the first day they’d met. A sense of exhilaration came over Sookie at spending her afternoons learning to use sign language. And a bigger city probably has more people in it that can sign than a small town would, she reasoned.

Before she knew it, her third class was ending, and Sookie was finally going to see Eric for the first time since arriving at school. She saw him all but running down the hallway to greet her like a bodyguard who had been previously dismissed.

“Hey!” Eric leaned down to kiss her cheek. “How were your morning classes?”

She gave him a thumbs up as she opened her notebook, “Can you teach me to use sign language?”

Her boyfriend stared a moment before he smiled, “Of course. What made you want to start learning it?” He took her other books from her so she could write and walk more easily.

“I don’t want to stay in Bon Temps. If I lived in the city, there would be more people who knew sign language, right?” she asked.

“Well,” Eric was thoughtful, “there would definitely be a better chance of you meeting more people with hearing or speech impairments in the city. Are you all right, Sookie?” he asked worriedly. “I’ve heard a lot of bullshit today. Is that what has you so set on leaving town?”

Sookie nodded slowly.

“We’ll work on sign language,” Eric promised. He hoped that all she needed was some independence from her notebook. It would be a shame to have her feel like she needed to be uprooted from her hometown, mainly when her grandmother and her brother were all that she really had in the world.

{†}

“Don’t forget to move your lips when you sign, Sookie,” Eric encouraged several weeks later. He had been practicing sign language with his girlfriend for nearly a month, and she had almost learned all of the notecards for the science demonstration next week. Sookie really wanted to surprise Dr. Jones with her speech. Pam would do the speaking, and Sookie would sign alongside her.

“Why?” She both signed and moved her mouth.

Eric shrugged, “Because I don’t want you to give up on speaking. I’m happy to see you embrace sign language, but I’d be sad if you were using it as another way to avoid having hope.”

Sookie let a stream of air rustle her hair. “Okay.”

As far as the ‘boyfriend & girlfriend’ commentary went, Sookie had to admit that it wasn’t nearly as complicated as she had been lead to believe. The only thing that really changed was that she spent half her visit after school with Pam and the other half with Eric. They talked about perfectly ordinary and mundane things like plans after high school, what they wanted to do over the weekend, and classes that were being troublesome.

Sookie tapped her boyfriend’s shoulder as he pored over her notecards to give the next sign. She’d already mastered the alphabet, numbers, days of the week and months. Sookie had a vast array of verbs to choose from and was making up little nicknames for her family and friends.

“Hmm?” Eric looked up at her.

Deciding to take a break from signing, Sookie grabbed her nearby notebook, “We’re doing everything girlfriends and boyfriends do, right?”

“What do you mean?” Eric asked. His heart pounded at the question. He’d already told her sex was off the table for a long while, but they had officially been seeing each other longer than he’d ever dated a girl before sleeping with her. Her question ignited a rather interesting response to the rest of his body.

“It doesn’t feel any different than what I do with Pam,” Sookie explained.

Eric couldn’t help but imagine Sookie and his sister acting like a couple, and the idea splashed cold water over his racing heart.

Smiling a bit, Eric explained, “The most important part of the word girlfriend or boyfriend is the word ‘friend,’ Sookie. Boyfriends and girlfriends do all the same things regular friends do, they just get more perks.”

“Like sex?”

How can she ask that without blushing!? Eric panicked. Shit, is she thinking about sex!?

“Well, yeah, but… Not necessarily. Some people wait until marriage to have sex, but they’re still… Emotionally intimate, I guess? No one doubts that they’re a couple just because they’re not sleeping together,” Eric became thoughtful. “It’s the opposite, I guess, of friends with benefits. You have sex, but you’re not really in love or anything. You like them well enough, but you can’t really see it beyond that. You don’t look at that person and think of them as your partner. I don’t know how to explain it!” he confessed. Relationships are complicated.

“How do I know if you’re more than just a friend to me?” Sookie asked.

Eric chuckled, “You hold Pam’s hand from time to time, right?” Sookie nodded. “What feels different when she holds your hand versus when I hold your hand?” There’s the blush I’ve been waiting for! He grinned as her face went red.

“When Pam holds my hand, I feel like I’m being lead somewhere. When you hold my hand, I feel like I’m going somewhere with you. I like when your thumb rubs against my hand, or when you bring it to your lips to kiss just because you feel like it.”

“What else, Sookie?” Eric asked. Am I finding this erotic? He wondered in surprise at reading her words.

“The way I catch you watching me looks like you’re trying your hardest not to stare, but you can’t help it. That makes me feel special and beautiful. That look assures me that the people that spread rumors about us have no clue what they’re talking about.”

“You are special and very beautiful,” Eric agreed.

Placing his hand over hers and leaning in, Eric pressed his mouth to hers, and Sookie shivered as his tongue encouraged her to open her mouth. For the first time, their tongues tangled together rather than briefly touch. He could feel Sookie’s breath quicken, and his body moved around hers to keep her from escaping their kiss.

Slowly, he could feel his girlfriend’s mood igniting. Her body grew warmer in his arms. Her hands came to tangle in his hair, and her knees hugged his hips as they continued to allow their tongues to dance. When her breathing accelerated, he could feel her breasts thrust briefly against his chest. The feeling of them made Eric lean in closer, settling more of his weight atop her.

“Ah,” he felt her little sound in his mouth and pulled away to look down at Sookie’s rosy face.

“That’s a new sound,” Eric grinned down at her. “Was that a good sound?” Sookie nodded slowly, her eyes glazing slightly. “I wonder what other sounds I could get out of you,” He leaned in for another kiss, and Sookie felt a new sensation as a hardness pressed against her stomach.

He couldn’t help it. Sookie’s questions, their conversations and then that little ‘ah’! How was he supposed to contain an erection when his mostly silent girlfriend managed to utter a pleasurable noise from a bit of kissing!?

Sookie’s hips tilted, pressing his erection tighter between their bodies, and Eric finally pulled away. “Don’t…” He sat up and turned away, careful to place his hand over hers in hopes that she wouldn’t feel upset or rejected. I just can’t handle the pressure, he thought dazedly.

Sitting up slowly as well, Sookie brought her hands up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Eric nodded slowly. “I just wasn’t prepared to feel like that.” He let out a strained laugh that wasn’t quite from embarrassment but definitely wasn’t jovial. “Sorry about that.”

“I don’t mind,” and then she pointed to his bulge which made Eric feel a thrum in his groin.

It was at that moment that Eric realized something about Sookie that had remained hidden up until this point. There had been a moment during their first date to the library when he had suspected it, but now he was sure.

“You read romance novels, don’t you?” He accused playfully.

“So?”

Eric chuckled and shook his head, “Fair warning, real sex is hardly like what they say in books.”

Sookie reached for the notebook which could only mean she was going to be using words she hadn’t learned in ASL just yet. “A lot of girls don’t seem to enjoy it nearly as much as guys do in real life.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Girls complain about it a lot. Guys coming really fast, or it not feeling good when they’re doing it,” Sookie explained.

“I’ll probably come like a freight train when we get there,” Eric confessed with a laugh. “Especially if I get those noises out of you on the day.”

“So, if we’re waiting until after you start college, what’s your time frame for playing?” Sookie asked.

Eric thought for a moment before he shrugged, “I mean since I put the boundaries on sex, would you like to set the time frame for playing?”

Sookie shook her head, “I don’t know what I’m missing. This whole thing seems a lot more important to you than it does to me.”

Ouch! Eric flinched. “You know why it’s important to me though, right?” he asked.

“Because you don’t want to ruin Pam’s friendship with me-”

“And-”

Sookie placed her hand over his lips as she continued writing on a new line, “It takes me longer to speak, Eric. Don’t cut me off.” Her boyfriend slumped at her point and waited patiently for her to finish writing.

“I know that you have some inkling of faith in us, so you don’t have to worry so much about me doubting that. Besides, if something were to break us up, with or without sex, it would hurt one or both of us. With or without sex in my relationship with you, there’s always the risk that it could hurt the relationship I have with Pam. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate that you want us to take our time. I do appreciate it because even if I don’t mind getting rubbed by your hard on, it doesn’t mean I’m ready for sex or messing around. I’m not.”

Sookie looked up at him expectantly as he read her message. When he took a moment to respond, she grew nervous that she might have presumed a lot more than she realized.

“I never really saw it like that,” Eric whispered. “Maybe I was using Pam as an excuse to avoid sex.” Before she could sign or her lips could move, Eric could read the ‘Why’ in her eyes. “I’m really trying to be different than I was, Sookie. I guess I’m trying to grow up?”

Sookie smiled as she took up her pen, “That’s fine. I got a lot of growing up to do too. You at least have an idea of what you want to study in college. I haven’t even figured out if I want to go to college.”

“Maybe you’ll end up writing romance novels?” Eric teased. “I can be your book cover model.”

Sookie rolled her eyes, “Your ego is showing.”

“What? You don’t think women would flock to read a book with me on the cover?” Eric asked jokingly. “Seriously, though, what’s the appeal of romance novels?”

Sookie was thoughtful a moment before she explained, “It always seemed like the women are either shy and antisocial, extremely prideful, or really snide and full of themselves. Even though I have no voice, I still try to be kind and sociable. I guess it gave me hope that even though no one around here really likes me, someone somewhere would. It encouraged me to keep being myself, I guess.”

“You can be pretty shy,” Eric pointed out as he read her response. “Although, I haven’t really seen that side of you in a while.”

“Since I met you and your family, it’s not so nerve-wracking finally getting to socialize,” Sookie told him. “You guys never made me self-conscious about the way I have to communicate. I’ve just never had anyone get to know me. I thought I was shy, too.”

Eric began playing with the ends of Sookie’s hair as they talked. She would look over her shoulder at him, causing the lock to tug momentarily in his fingertips, and she would smile at his attention to her hair.

“I’ve gotten to try on a lot of personalities. Moving around so much let me do that. The only people who knew me when we moved were my siblings. Every time I started a new school, I got to be someone new,” Eric told her as he examined the ends of her hair. “I’m good looking, and smart enough to do well in school. It was always easy to try on new versions of myself because of it. You want to know my favorite personality?”

Sookie looked at him curiously.

“Being Pam’s older brother and Godric’s younger brother. You were the first person who ever saw me the way I am with my family,” Eric told her. “You got under all my layers. It wasn’t because Pam snuck you into the house. It wasn’t because the first time I saw you my heart leaped into my throat. It was the way you listened to what we talked about. I knew that a fake personality wouldn’t work on you. You’d see right through my bullshit.”

“How’d you figure that?” Sookie wondered.

“Because it felt so good to be listened to,” Eric smiled that sweet smile of his she’d only ever seen when it was just the two of them. “It felt good to have someone care about who I really am, and not whatever mask I was wearing that day.”

“Your face is so much more beautiful than any mask.”

On to Chapter Seven!