Chapter Thirty: Clarifying
Things I have learned in my first six months of bein’ a Living Immortal:
Firstly, I can put on weight! This came as a surprise to me after I destroyed Thanksgiving dinner, ate half a pumpkin pie, and baked so many holiday cookies, the Kappa Bake Sale ended up takin’ a good portion of them once I realized I’d put on five pounds in less than a week. It took me so long to discover I could put on weight because I need to eat so much to keep my body going 24/7! So, imagine my surprise when Ludwig popped in for my monthly physical and told me I’d gained five pounds when I hadn’t put on a single pound since my immortality kicked in!
Secondly, I may heal, but not like a vampire. Eric had explained this to me before we even Bonded, but it took a few injuries before I fully understood what he explained. My busted nose and broken wrist healed super-fast because my body prioritizes injuries versus “changes.” Ludwig actually explained it pretty well when I asked about it during one of my endless check-ups.
Basically, my body identifies natural changes in my body (Like… Oh, my hymen bein’ torn!), and doesn’t bother fixin’ them. The doc also informed me there are physical changes that occur durin’ pregnancy that will also not mend (Like when my hips get wider – Dang it!), but the trauma my poor, little vajayjay will go through durin’ the birthin’ process will heal quickly like my nose and wrist did. She said the thing that makes a Living Immortal’s healing unique from a vampire’s immortality is that my body knows how to accommodate whereas a vampire’s only knows how to revert to optimal.
Thirdly, and this is kinda like the first thing on my list, I can lose weight. When I say lose, I mean, holy crap! It’s only been something I’ve struggled with since Bonding. It’s super hard to eat that much food! Almost six thousand calories a day! Mostly I survive on carbs, proteins, and those special drinks they make for bodybuilders. I thought it was pretty cool at first. I mean, I can eat anything I want and rarely put on any weight! The problem is, empty calories like ice cream and cookies make it hard to concentrate. Buuut, I do get to eat ice cream every day, and that is awesome!
Chicken and rice is practically a go-to meal for me, and Eric’s actually in the kitchen a lot, makin’ sure I have plenty of food. It was surprising to find out he really likes to cook. He says since everything tastes disgusting to him, it’s a real challenge.
Also, I finally found out how he learned to cook. Apparently, he glamoured a chef and kept him hostage for a few weeks, learned to cook, and, I guess, subjected the poor culinary artist to his horrendous cookin’ for awhile until he could plate a meal that was edible. No particular reason why he decided he wanted to learn to cook, he just told me he was terribly bored and had been fascinated by Julia Child for some weird reason.
Fourthly, apparently, my body is adjusting for the long haul of baby makin’. I haven’t had any major hormone fluxes, human or fairy, in two months, nor have I had a period. It’s kinda nice not having a period every month, but that also means I don’t get that monthly assurance that I’m not pregnant. Instead, I’m stuck waiting for Ludwig to show up with her pregnancy tests to check things out.
Fifthly, and finally, vampire sex does a body good! In attempts to keep up with my hubby in the sack, I am in the best shape of my life! I’m strong, flexible, and agile all because Eric likes to do it anywhere and everywhere! Staircases, closets, doorways, bathtubs, elevators… Point is, my body’s been bent in ways or I’ve held it in positions that are almost inhuman!
Those are the big five things I’ve discovered in the six months I’ve spent as a vampire’s wife and Living Immortal.
“Sookie,” Eric calls to me and I’m jolted from my musings with a pleasant smile.
“Yeah, Darlin’?” I look up at him when he comes back to bed with a stack of papers and magazines.
“One year and counting,” he teases me, throwin’ down all the stuff he’s carryin’ on to the bed. “You need to start telling me what it is you want in a wedding.” I look at the endless supply of bridal magazines and giggle.
“You bought copies of ‘Modern Bride’?” I giggle again, picking up the issue and thumbing through it.
“Dream wedding, remember?” He flops on to the bed next to me, and gives my shoulder a kiss. “You need to decide where it will be, who is attending, and what they are eating.”
I frown, “Well, it’s not gonna be very big. Jason and I don’t have any family to invite, but I’d probably invite a lot of the girls from Kappa, Jason’s teammates, my softball team… Oh! Sarah Garrick – our old CPS agent! I’d bet she’d like to see a happy endin’ for Jason and me! Kristin, but I think I might ask her to be one of my bridesmaids if we manage to stay friends, not havin’ class together anymore… Do you mind if Pam’s my Maid of Honor?”
Eric raises his eyebrows, “You would choose Pam over Kristin?”
I raise mine right back at him, “There’s no one in the world I’m more honest and comfortable with… Other than you, of course.”
Eric nods, pleased, “I was hoping I would be the exception.”
“Besides, Pam will throw a kickbutt bachelorette party!” I giggle. “Are you gonna have a bachelor party?”
“Sookie, my entire existence has practically been a bachelor party. I am done with all that,” Eric chuckles. “Also, we are already Bonded. This human ceremony is for you, not me.”
“But I really want you to have fun and enjoy it!” I whine, throwin’ the magazine to the floor and huggin’ on his arm. “Let’s have it at night! We can invite a buncha vamps from Area 5! I think it’d be cool to have a mixed wedding!”
Eric frowns a bit, “I suppose I could invite Sophie-Anne… She has been very insistent about meeting you.”
He shrugs, maybe lookin’ a little bemused, “I had quite the reputation before you came skipping into my existence. Sophie-Anne is alarmed, if not fairly amused by it. She wishes to meet the woman who finally captured me completely.”
“Are you and Sophie-Anne friends?” I ask curiously.
“You know that she is my queen. I am loyal to her, but friends?” He looks very thoughtful as he considers the word. “I would say we are associates more than we are friends. We have great respect for one another, but are not very likely to socialize beyond professional terms.”
I frown before telling him, “It seems like that’s how most of your relationships are. Most of the socializing I see you do is with me, or because I kinda force you to do it.”
He grins, “Yes, well, eternity is a long time to know people. Vampires are quite known for their reclusiveness. Being yours has certainly forced me to be more sociable, but it has been an adventure,” he assures me at the end. I’m just still reeling at Eric callin’ himself mine. He uses possessive pronouns all the time, but it’s usually him callin’ me his. It’s always a treat hearin’ him admit that he belongs to me just as much! “Mmm,” he purrs, feelin’ me gloatin’, “someone is just as pleased as I am.” He’s kissin’ my throat, givin’ it little love bites. “Do you enjoy owning me, Sookie?” he whispers against my skin, givin’ me goosebumps. “My heart, spirit, and body? All of it is yours,” He snakes his tongue between the groove of my windpipe and the thick chord of muscle there, and it causes my whole body to tighten.
“Eric,” I murmur weakly. You’d think after six months of getting this vampire’s lovin’, I’d have some kind of resistance to it. Nope. I’m just as helpless to his prowess as the first time he gave my ears a little tug. My legs begin to part, and he settles between them smoothly. “Ah!” I arch against the bulge in the front of his jeans when he pushes it toward my center. “Do you think,” I gasp when his hips give a gentle tilt, pushin’ that much harder, “you’ll ever get tired of me?”
He chuckles, givin’ my throat a little nip, “What is there to get tired of? You give me everything, Sookie,” he tells me.
“I’m just scared you’ll get bored with me someday,” I confess as his hand squeezes my breast firmly. “Pam’s the only person you’ve had sex with more than me,” I point out.
“And you are rapidly catching up to her,” he teases as his body slows against mine. He holds his hands on either side of my head and looks down at me contemplatin’. “Sookie, I did not jump from person to person because the sex was boring. I had such a vast array of lovers because the individual bored or angered me. We have already discussed the only type of sex neither one of us is interested in exploring, and that is extramarital. Neither of us desires to share the other with a second person. There is no form of sex you would deprive me of, so how will it be possible to become bored?”
“But I’ll never surprise you,” I mumble.
“You surprise me all the time,” he assures me, “with the things you enjoy, your enthusiasm to explore, and your willingness to put your pride on hold by letting me give you new experiences. You are a woman who is strong and self-reliant, yet you eagerly surrender yourself to me. You are everything to me because you know when to lead and when to follow. You speak to me of your fears and let me assuage them. You tease me and give me your opinion without ego… Sookie, you are perfect, and I love you more and more every day.”
I feel a warm ball of contentment expand in my chest, “Y’know, one of the reasons I’m so open with you is because you say the most amazing things to me?” He chuckles and kisses my throat in reply.
“Do you know what I would like to do right now, Sookie?” Eric whispers against my ear, and I feel arousal, anticipation, and lust grow in the Bond.
“What’s that, Eric?” I whisper back, arching my hips against his.
“It involves rope,” he murmurs, his eyes flashing excitedly.
“Really?” I like rope! I had no idea I’d ever like bein’ tied up, but from the second he first mentioned it, the fantasies immediately made my nether regions clench.
“Mm-hmm,” he purrs. “It also involves that little reflex we have been working out of you.”
My eyes widen when I piece together his hints. “You want to fuck my mouth with my hands tied?” I guess and there’s that delicious throb down below as I picture it in my head.
“May I?” he asks, but he’s got this grin ’cause he can feel my own anticipation ampin’ up.
“Yes, you may,” I tease at his formal request. His grin widens and he gives my lips a quick peck before he hops out of bed to retrieve the rope.
I flop back and stretch out on the bed, knowing that I’m about to get a workout from my sexy husband. Knowing him, he’ll go to town on my mouth and then give me one of those amazing ‘thank you’ orgasms that turns my body to Jell-O. That’s exactly what they are, too. He calls them ‘rewards’ or ‘congratulatory,’ but to me they all mean ‘thank you!’ ‘Thank you for letting me train away your gag reflex,’ or ‘thank you for letting me play with your butt because I know it means I’m one step closer to fucking it.’ Of course, he has no idea that he’s not gettin’ my bottom for another year. I figured he took one virginity for our Bonding, he gets to have the other one for our wedding.
“Stretching?” Eric guesses as he returns.
“Mm-hmm,” I agree, arching my back and reaching my arms and legs out like a starfish.
“I will give you a nice massage after this one,” he promises after he throws the rope on to the bed and starts moving pillows. I give the rope a quick glance and frown. It’s much longer and thinner than the other one we’ve used. I don’t say anything because it makes the anticipation greater. “Dear One, will you lay with your chest on those pillows?” he requests, and I roll across the bed to get to where he wants me.
Next thing I know, he’s arrangin’ me like an artist’s mannequin, and I’m restin’ with my chest on the pillows, my butt in the air, and my arms between my legs. He’s got the rope securing my wrists to my ankles, and once they’re immobilized, there’s another pillow propping me up a bit higher. I give my arms and legs a curious wiggle, and realize Eric’s got me well trussed up. I’m not goin’ anywhere unless he puts me there himself.
“All right?” he asks, rubbin’ his hand over my bottom in a real calming way.
“Yup,” I tell him with a smile I hope conveys this is more than me just bein’ indulgent.
He gives my butt a quick little spank that makes me jump and pull at his sea-worthy rope techniques. Walkin’ in front of me, I wriggle a bit when I see he’s stripped down and already standin’ at full attention. Apparently, he gets as turned on tyin’ me up as I do bein’ tied up!
“I will use our Bond, so I will know when it begins to be too much,” Eric tells me.
“Okay,” I reply and open my mouth wide, makin’ him laugh.
Rather than puttin’ his cock in my mouth, he kneels in front of me, pushes my hair out of my face, and gives me a slow kiss. “Not even a year ago, you were so shy about your ears, and now you are bound to our bed, offering your mouth to me. Yet you still wonder how you could possibly be enough for me? I believe you are the prime example of a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets,” he teases before giving me another kiss, harder, and more urgent this time.
When he pulls abruptly from our kiss, I open my mouth wide again and this time, he doesn’t waste a second before he’s pushing his thick cock past my lips. I hum happily when he slides against my tongue, back, back, back, into the depths of my throat. There’s no gag reflex. Eric’s done too fine a job murderin’ it over the course of a month or so, and I rake my tongue against his shaft as he remains buried in my throat.
“Perfect,” Eric hisses while I let my tongue dance over him. He eases out slowly and I suck in a giant breath before he pushes back in. My husband does this a few more times, a slow penetration before murmuring, “I am going to speed up.”
All I do is hum approvingly again, and he starts thrusting with a smooth, even tempo. I spend my time pacing my breathing, my tongue playing along his length while simultaneously enjoying his experience through the Bond. He’s gettin’ more and more excited the longer this new adventure goes on, and his moans are growing louder and louder once he finds that I am keepin’ up with him. His speed increases and so my breathing needs to be timed with it, but then he increases his pace again, and I admit it’s getting harder to catch a breath.
Suddenly, he pushes all the way into my throat and lingers. His fingers are combin’ through my hair and he’s makin’ his hot, snarly growl I love. Enthused by his noises, I simulate swallowin’ around his girth and feel his hands tighten in my hair, givin’ it a pleasurable tug. Finally, he pulls out of my mouth and I greedily gasp for air. When he thinks I’ve had enough time to catch my breath, he’s buried in me again, and I start contracting my throat once more. He lets out another snarl, and starts buckin’ his hips against my face until a very familiar throb pulses through his cock. His cum shoots straight down my throat and I moan around his thickness, giving a few gentle swallows.
“You are perfect, my Sookie,” Eric rumbles while he slowly pulls from my mouth and drops to his knees. He kisses me fiercely again, and I wiggle a bit impatiently. I don’t want to flat-out beg for my ‘thank you’ orgasm, but I’ll be really disappointed if I don’t get one. “How are your fingers?” Eric asks against my lips.
I give the digits a little jiggle, and make a face, “Tingly… Maybe a little stiff?” I tell him honestly.
“And your toes?”
I repeat my previous wiggling, this time with my toes, “Same.”
He nods and stands up. Walkin’ behind me, I feel the ropes loosen, and then he’s pullin’ my legs straight back and my arms off to the sides. He starts rubbing my limbs vigorously until they give little jolts when the blood starts flowin’ properly again.
“That was a long binding time for you in such a position,” he comments after he stops the vigorous rubbing and turns more relaxing with his touch.
I frown and roll onto my back, “Not sure how to interpret that.” He tilts his head questioningly. “Was it a long time to be tied like that, or just a long time for me to be tied like that?”
He smirks and starts rubbin’ down my front, “A long time for you to be tied like that.”
I pout, “What about in human time?”
He becomes thoughtful a moment, “A full-blown submissive would have found it to be a very short time. A woman who has only been bound three times in her life? It was a very long time, especially because you have only ever had your hands tied. This time you were in an immobilized position. It puts much more strain on the body.”
I take his explanation for what it is. I have all the time in the world to build up some endurance. I’m sure I’ll be a bondage Olympian within the next fifty years.
Eric is chuckling to himself as he rolls me back onto my stomach and starts massaging me all over. When I’m a loose, contented, puddle of goo, he gives my bottom a soft pat and rolls off the bed. My relaxation immediately evaporates after he retrieves his jeans and slips them on.
But… But… Thank you orgasm! I think forlornly as he begins cleaning up the room.
“Do you want breakfast now, Dear One?” he asks me with a smile, and all I can do is sling my jaw open. He tilts his head curiously, waiting for me to answer.
“M-maybe in a bit,” I stammer, shocked at his lack of reciprocation. Don’t be so selfish! I think at myself angrily. “I’m going to, um, look at some of the magazines you brought me.”
He gives me an amused smile and shakes his head, “Let me know when you are ready to eat.” Then he leaves the bedroom and I flop back against the mattress.
I try. I really do try not to feel upset or cheated. When our bedroom door flings open suddenly, I sit up at full attention. Thank you, God!
“I almost forgot,” Eric comes back to bed and my heart gallops excitedly. He leans down, kisses my lips deeply, and mumbles, “Thank you.”
He leaves… Again.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry! Sex isn’t tit for tat. You did that for him. You can’t always expect something in return or it’s just being selfish.
But I really, really want my ‘thank you’ orgasm, I think petulantly, even if he did give me the massage he promised…
I reach between my legs and I’m so freakin’ wet it’s unbearable. My fingers are all coated and sticky. My lower half is clenched and aching. I can just take care of things myself, but what if he walks back in and catches me? Will he feel bad for leaving me wanting? But he can feel me! He knows I’m wound up!
I’m torn and confused about what I should do.
Well, this is not nearly as fun as I had hoped, I think bemusedly when I feel Sookie’s emotions rocketing from despair to insecurity to annoyance, then finally settling on confusion. The strange part is, her annoyance seems particularly focused on herself, instead of me. Here I stand in the kitchen, waiting for my beautiful Bonded to come storming out and push my mouth against her pussy, but she remains in our bedroom, filling with self-loathing.
I wait impatiently for her to come to me, but then I feel apprehension, guilt, and pleasure? Frowning, I try interpreting this strange culmination of emotions, that is, until I hear her pulse quicken and her breathing become labored. Is she masturbating? I think in surprise as I head back to our room.
Opening the door, I see my Sookie on our bed, her fingers dancing between her legs and a hand clamped over her mouth to stifle any noises she might make. She notices me instantly and her hand freezes in its task, her eyes wide and guilty.
“You know,” I tell her conversationally while I stroll into the room, “I was waiting for you to ask me to do that for you.” I climb onto our bed and take her busy hand into mine. Bringing it to my lips, I lick it clean. She looks at me with those regretful eyes and I sigh. What does she believe she was doing wrong?
She tilts her head away and stares at the wall opposite me, “I-it’s not a loving gesture if I expect something in return,” she mumbles.
I quickly remember that my Bonded has manners and it makes me smile, “Because relationships are not tit for tat,” I recall my words from when Sookie first began exploring her sexuality. “That may be true, but relationships are about communication. If you need me, you must do something about it, Sookie.” I split her legs wide and click my tongue sympathetically. “This looks uncomfortable,” I tell her, leaning down to stroke my tongue against her dripping slit while simultaneously pushing down on her lower abdomen. Sookie lets loose a wild sob and I glance up at her in surprise from her need in the Bond. Her center is over-sensitized and her emotions too high. This is going to be one hell of an orgasm, I think ruefully.
Though I had wanted her wild with desire, this is not quite what I had in mind. I give her center another slow lick and her body coils violently after a firmer push against her abdomen. She is crying with shame and confusion, but, above all else, it is desperate need that makes her weep.
Sliding up her body, I hold Sookie to my chest, and gently slip inside of her. Her gasps and moans as I do so are choked, impatient noises. While I pick up speed and softly caress her clitoris, she huffs for air, and her body clenches mercilessly around my cock. Tears are spilling from her eyes when she lets loose a mantra of, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” over and over, until it crescendos into an unintelligible scream that coincides with her orgasm.
She is sobbing as she comes back down, but it is not the cathartic, healing sobs I usually reduce her to during sex. These are ashamed, disappointed cries, so I hold her, kissing her hair. Was my little game that unkind? I have made her wait for her climaxes before and never reduced her to any emotion quite like this!
“I am sorry, Sookie,” I whisper against her hair. “Do not cry-”
“I c-can’t help it,” she chokes, holding me tighter.
“What on Earth did I do to you?” I ask sadly. “I wanted you wild, not woebegone…”
“How much stuff do you hide from me?” she asks suddenly and I frown, not grasping her meaning.
“I hide nothing from you, Sookie,” I tell her honestly. “You are able to feel me entirely.”
“Am I?” she asks, moping.
“Of course, you are. I may repress some of my emotions from time to time as to not overwhelm you or sometimes to surprise you, but I do not hide,” I tell her earnestly.
“I couldn’t tell what you wanted me to do when you left,” she mumbles. “I didn’t know if that was it… You just wanted my mouth and nothing more…”
“I always want all of you, Sookie,” I smile at her playfully.
“But I couldn’t tell,” she insists. “I couldn’t feel your anticipation or excitement… Not even lust, which I almost always feel from you… I just felt amusement and it felt like you were just messing with me… I didn’t know what to do,” she finishes weakly.
“Sookie,” I look at her in surprise, “I will never leave you wanting for long. I do that at times to enhance your experience, but never as a cruelty or impartiality.
“Why did this time feel so different?” she asks, subdued.
I smile knowingly and chuckle as understanding finally comes to me, “Because you had an entire expectation built in your head. Sookie, I will never leave you wanting. You will never have to resort to masturbating to achieve climax…unless we are doing masturbation play, but I rarely am in the mood for such games…” I shake my head out of the minor distraction. “The point is, I will never leave you wanting for me, but it does not mean I honor instant gratification. Sometimes I will want to make you wait. Sometimes I want to make myself wait. Sometimes I merely want you to seek me out and take me, just the same as I seek you out so frequently.”
“But how will I know what you’re doin’?” she asks desperately.
“You will not,” I shrug. “It is not about knowing. It is about feeling. Sex between loving, giving, partners has nothing to do with manners. It is about desire and need. In sex, giving and taking is not even. It is all about finding pleasure for yourself while giving pleasure to another… I knew you were enjoying yourself when you offered your mouth to me and that is a very heady feeling.”
“I do like givin’ you head,” she tells me meekly and I smile. “I like the noises you make…”
“I like your noises, too,” I tell her playfully, kissing the space just below her ear, earning a pleasurable shiver. “Still, my point is, if your need or desire is so great you feel the need to masturbate, do not, instead, find me. Come to me, Sookie. I will always want you. I could be on a conference call for all I care. If you need me when I am in the middle of a meeting, I will just mute the damned call and fuck you right there in my office.” I watch her face turn bright red, but her eyes are molten, blue pools. I do believe I have given her a new fantasy…
“I don’t know how to jump you,” she tells me honestly, as if she has only now realized that it has never happened. “You always just…kinda…know when I want it…”
“Hmm,” I consider this a moment, then note that I really have never let her initiate. She is always so welcoming, so accommodating to my sexual needs, I had never noticed they might be so frequent, leaving her quite sated. The new question is, Do I tell her that I will not prompt sex, or let her seek me out on her own?
It is quite the conundrum. If I tell her I will not prompt her, she may be likely to overcompensate, so would that really be encouraging her? If I do not tell her, she might react as she did earlier and believe my interest in her has waned… This has transformed from a conundrum to a dilemma, I realize irritably.
I need more time to think through this. Perhaps a ‘risk to gain’ formula is needed. With that idea, I gently rise from where I have been propped above my Bonded, “Are you ready for breakfast now, Dear One?” I ask curiously.
She gives me a soft smile and nods, “Yeah, I could go for some breakfast.”
“What would you like?” I ask, finding my pants once more and slipping them back on.
“You’re cookin’?” she checks. When I nod that I will, she becomes thoughtful, “I think pancakes are your best breakfast food, never over or undercooked.” All right, so for a vampire I am an exceptional cook. From a human perspective, however, I am barely competent.
“How am I supposed to become better at preparing other foods if you always have me making the same three?” I tease her and lean down to plant another kiss on her lips. “Start looking at your magazines while I make your millionth batch of pancakes.”
She giggles and flops on to her stomach, reaching for one of the magazines I brought in earlier. As she begins flipping through pages, I return to the kitchen and begin preparing her breakfast.